The UK Cosplays as the Surface of Mustafar Again

A Very British Heatwave: Or Why I Can’t Post Anything Hotter Than a Chicken Korma

There comes a time every British summer — usually lasting between four hours and three days — when the sun emerges, the temperature rises above “mildly brisk,” and the entire nation collectively loses the will to function.

And here we are again.

The UK is currently hotter than the inside of a laptop running Chrome with 47 tabs open, and as an Englishman, I am simply not built for this. My natural habitat is:

• Overcast
• Slightly damp
• With a breeze that makes you question your life choices

Anything beyond that and my internal systems begin to fail like a droid with a loose motivator.

I’m not ashamed to admit it: I cannot cope with anything hotter than a chicken korma.

A korma, Max. Not a vindaloo. Not a madras. Not even a cheeky tikka masala. A korma — the mildest of the mild — the beige cardigan of curries.

So when the weather hits 27°C?

My productivity evaporates faster than British tarmac.

I try to write posts, but my brain melts. I try to edit trailers, but my fingers slide off the keyboard like overcooked spaghetti. I try to focus on the Popcorn Jedi archive, but all I can think is:

“Why is the air spicy?”

Meanwhile, other countries are out there living their best lives at 40°C, drinking hot coffee, jogging, wearing jeans — absolute psychopath behaviour.

Here in the UK, we’re lying on the floor in front of a fan that sounds like a dying TIE fighter, whispering:

“I was not forged for this.”

So if you’ve noticed a slight slowdown in posts, updates, or general Jedi‑level productivity… Blame the sun. Blame the humidity. Blame the fact that my DNA is 98% tea and drizzle.

Normal service will resume once the weather returns to its regularly scheduled programming of:

• grey
• slightly grey
• aggressively grey
• and “is that rain or just the sky crying?”

Until then, stay hydrated, stay indoors, and remember:

If it’s hotter than a korma, it’s officially too much.

And yes, I know I’m poking fun at us Brits and really, mostly myself as I cannot stand the heat, certainly not as much as I used to, but seriously folks here in the UK AND elsewhere, obviously, look after yourself and STAY hydrated!!